the guilt trip continues
Last night was pretty chilly, and I’m still giving my human the cold shoulder (no pun intended). So I cuddled up with the Roku player to keep warm and make her feel guilty…
If she really loved me, she’d take better care of my rear interdigital floof. I look so messy!
i survived the vet
I don’t know how she did it, but my human found me in time for my appointment with the vet. It must have been my intense cute-vibe… Don’t tell her, but it wasn’t that bad. My bar stool acrobatics training has been paying off – I lost almost a pound! No one even mentioned the word “fat”. Do you think that means I won’t need diet food anymore???
The worst part of the experience was definitely the drive. I spent the whole time trying to get my human to take different routes, complaining about the bumps, and yelling about the A/C and my human’s choice of music. I can’t wait until I’m old enough to drive!
All-in-all the vet wasn’t as awful as I thought it would be. But I’m going to pout and act angry as long as I can – might as well get as much mileage out of the trauma as I can. I keep licking my arm where I got the shot. Maybe I’ll be able to guilt my human into giving me sashimi for dinner…
And now I have to go convince Kitty that I wasn’t probed by aliens.
pedro in hiding
Shhh... I'm hiding.
I just found out that my human made an appointment for me to get my annual physical on Tuesday. The vet is going to say that I’m fat, and that my human should reduce my meager diet food ration even further. He’s going to say I need to increase my exercise and reduce my stress. And when he sends me home I’ll be all smelly and upset, and no matter what I say, Kitty will think I’ve been probed by aliens. My plan is to lay low for a few days, and rotate hiding spots hourly so my human can’t find me. I should be able to hold out until Tuesday…
oops!
Uh-oh. Kitty just pointed out that I seem to have forgotten the most important criterion of suitable suitors in my Valentine’s Day post. To meet our standards, the man applying for dating status of our human must also have less hair on his back and chest than I do.
a valentine for my human
For Valentine’s Day I decided to do something special. Today I will be accepting applications from men who would like to date my human. My standards are quite high, and here are the minimum qualifications:
1) Must be human, male, and aged 30-50.
2) Must know how to use basic power tools and spell-check.
3) Must have excellent personal hygiene and all teeth (or suitable replacements).
4) Must be employed or independently wealthy, have a place to live that does not also house his mother, and own a car that runs.
5) Must be willing to mow the lawn and wash the dishes.
6) Must love cats. A lot. But not too much.
To apply for dating status, men meeting this criteria should submit a 500 word essay on modern romance. The deadline for essays is March 1, and winners will be notified on April Fool’s Day. If you have any questions regarding the basic requirements above, then please don’t waste my time with an essay.
looking very official
no rest this caturday
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It’s Caturday, and I’m working again. I’m just a workaholic. It’s amazing that I find any time at all for grooming and cat naps. And hunting geckos. And snacking. I’ve been practicing my barstool acrobatics, but I can’t really approach Cirque … Continue reading
new hobbies and possibilities
I have a new hobby, and I’m so excited! A few days ago our human brought home a new bar stool. I didn’t think it was anything special at first – we already had some identical stools. But I quickly realized that this stool was different. Better. This new stool is perfect for feline acrobatics, and I’ve been spending all of my waking hours practicing. It’s really good for the core. Don’t you think I’m looking a little slimmer already? Any minute now I’ll be svelte enough for my human to stop the diet cat food… And if things don’t work out with the dairy cow people, Cirque du Soleil might be an option with a little more practice!
tonight’s post cancelled due to weather
Sorry, folks. Tonight’s post is cancelled due to the frigid temperatures we’re experiencing in Hawaii. My paws are too cold for typing, so I’ll just stay wrapped up in this blanket in my human’s lap until the weather changes.
is that ice in my whiskers???
How cold is too cold for the Hawaiian cat, you ask? Tonight may get below 50°… I know, you’re thinking that I’m just a wuss. But when was the last time you set your thermostat at 50°???
superbowl sunday for a super businesscat
Businesscat, or used car salescat???
Since Caturday was unproductive, I spent Superbowl Sunday working hard. I’m more of a curling kind of cat than a football kind of cat, so I wasn’t heartbroken. Especially since I timed a grooming break to coincide with Madonna’s half time show. I love Madonna…
I’ve finished sprucing up my resumé, but I’m concerned about my professional objectives. Is “fame, fortune, and celebrity” too honest, or should I say something like, “I’d like to end world hunger by eradicating feral chickens”?
My human redeemed herself for sabotaging my working Caturday by giving me this spiffy bow tie. Unfortunately, it seems to emphasize my lack of neck…
working caturday
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Even though it’s Caturday, I decided to spend the day working on my CV (resumé, for my American fans) and putting together a media kit, as I’ve had a sense of impending stardom. Unfortunately, my human has stubbornly tried to … Continue reading
celebrating with pedro
I wanted to help celebrate Pedro’s big milestones, so I added a new page. You can check it out by choosing January 30, 2012 under Kitty’s Page, or clicking here.
big excitement at pedrothecat.com
Today is a huge day for Maru Can Kiss My Furry… This is my 100th post, and any minute now my 8000th visitor will be wandering through. For days I’ve been trying to decide the best way to commemorate the occasion. I thought about showing a slideshow of my 100 favorite photos, but my attention span isn’t long enough. And neither is yours, I’m sure. Then I considered listing my top 100 search terms, but I was afraid that listing multiple variations of phrases like “furry humiliation” and “furry kissing” might attract the wrong crowd. So then I thought maybe I should write a tribute to my idol, Donald Trump, or to Maru-san because he inspired me to follow my career dreams. Nah…
I finally decided that I wanted to write a post about my favorite moment in blogging. There have been lots of great moments since I started Maru Can Kiss My Furry…, but there’s one that stands out above the rest. Those of you who read my wish list for Santa Claws might remember that I asked Santa to bring my very favorite kitten, little You-Sheng, aka Sprocket, from the Miao Chronicles a little red beret. I could hardly contain my excitement when Littlemiao posted fantastic photos of Sprocket learning to wear his new little red beret in the post How to Wear a Beret, Lesson 1. The Miaos made my Christmas dream come true!
In appreciation for my favorite bloggy moment, I wanted to post a fabulous photo of myself in a jaunty chapeau. I had to improvise a little…
oops!
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I have a hobby. I dabble in the culinary arts. Most of my role in the kitchen is supervisory, since I’m lacking thumbs. My human was nice enough to built me a shelf where I can sit while I critique her work, which saves me from accidental staining and singeing. We have a nice partnership in the kitchen… Or had a nice partnership, that is…
I’m not entirely sure how this happened. I do know that my human obviously skimped and didn’t get the drywall anchors rated for plus-sized cats.
my human idiot
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Have I mentioned lately that my human isn’t the sharpest crayon in the box? Meet Moa, or the feral Hawaiian chicken. We have tons of them, and they’re everywhere. When one appeared on my doorstep this morning, apparently my human … Continue reading
pedro the happy cow
I did it! I had some comp cards printed (that’s modelspeak for a card with photos) with my best udder shots, and I’ve written a letter of introduction to the people who do the “Happy Cow” ads. I think I’d make a really good Happy Cow Cat… Any suggestions before I stick this in the mail?
Dear California Milk Advisory Board,
My name is Pedro the Cat, and I have some amazing ideas that build on your “Happy Cow” ad campaign. But first, let me introduce myself. I am a fabulous cow-spotted and career-oriented feline. I am currently owner and editor of the popular blog “Maru Can Kiss My Furry…” and am working on my first manuscript, which is destined for the Best Seller list. I’m also a student of Bovinity, and recently I was honored to be named one of the Top Ten Cows of 2011 by the blog “Every Day I See A Cow.”
I know that the “Happy Cow” ads are popular, but I would like to propose an improvement that would draw a much larger demographic’s interest, in addition to being more economical. I would like to be your next Happy Cow. You can see from the enclosed comp card that I am quite stunning while wearing my prosthetic udder, and I certainly have the look of a Happy Cow. Can you imagine the reaction of cow and cat fans across the nation as they see Pedro the Cat as the California Milk Advisory Board’s official postercowkitty?
In addition to gaining the attention of cat lovers everywhere, working with a feline would also be much more cost effective and would certainly involve less feces than working with common, untrained livestock. Additionally, cats are famous for their love of dairy products (although milk does make me a bit flatulent). Perhaps you could hone in on an important market in California Dairy products as cat treats.
I urge you to contact me at your earliest convenience to discuss this new ad campaign and contractual issues. I am on the verge of fame, so any hesitation on your part might mean that the Got Milk? people have already Got Pedro.
Sincerely yours,
Pedro T. Cat
Future California Milk Advisory Board Spokescat
check out my new profile
I’ve never felt like my profile page caught the true essence of Pedro the Cat, so I decided to revamp the whole thing. You should check it out when you have time!
proof of my sweet side
I know that Kitty makes it sound like I’m a big bully cat that’s always picking on her. She complains that I groom her too much (as if there could ever be too much grooming!) and try to play with her all the time. Well, tonight I have photographic evidence documenting just how generous and kind I am to her.
Remember that fantastic box I celebrated winter solstice in? Kitty started squatting in the box days ago, and I’m letting her stay there. I know that the solstice box is a great haven, and Kitty deserves a nice place to snuggle up and wait out the bad weather we’ve been having. See – I’m not such a bad guy!
enjoying winter solstice in my cozy box
Kitty living in MY solstice box
It’s a little strange – I’m not really sure if she’s come out of the box since it started getting stormy on Monday. But my human checks on her a few times a day to make sure she’s still breathing… Kitty gets really cranky every time our human lifts that lid!
it’s official – i’m wonderful!
My best blogging buddy cat, Sammy of One Spoiled Cat, awarded me with a wonderful award. THE Wonderful Blog Award, in fact. I’m very excited about this one, since I really am wonderful. Thanks, Sammy!
Naturally, there are some rules for the awardees. They are:
1. You must be a follower of my blog. Done.
2. You must link the award back to my blog. Gotcha.
3. You must pass the award on to three other blogs. Okee-Dokee.
Here are my three nominees and the reasons I chose them (drumroll and fanfare, please!):
The Miao Chronicles - Every day Littlemiao posts beautiful photos of her gaggle of cats. They are all gorgeous cats, but the little tripod kitten she rescued last summer is so charming and lovely and wonderful that I just melt every time I see him. And he’s going to be gigantic, like me!
Lemonysqueezes - Lemony is a volunteer at Helen O. Krause Animal Foundation’s shelter for cats, and she posts stories and photos from the time she spends with the special needs cats there. The stories of her cats just make my heart ache. Billy Bob is almost as handsome as I, and CATarina would love a home where the humans spelled her name correctly. Little Holly yearns for a quiet home, and Sox will be looking for an energetic family to provide lots of playtime soon. And there are so many more, slightly less than perfect cats that just want a home. Lemony is wonderful for the time and love she gives these cats. And the cats are wonderful just because they are.
Catself - Bugs is the coolest, toughest housecat on the block. He’s adapting to life off the streets, but he’s still a bit rough around the edges. And he & I share a hobby – door climbing. He’ll perch on any old door, but I prefer the bifold type… Bugs’ Bean is a wise woman and wonderful storyteller with an interesting point of view. And that makes for a wonderful blog.
Thanks again, Sammy! You’re the best!
got pedro?
Last week one of my loyal and brilliant fans suggested that I send my udderly fantastic cow costume photos to the Got Milk? people. At first I thought it was a silly idea, but the more I think about it, the more I like it. Can you imagine me impersonating a cow in a milk ad? I might need to have some more professional photos taken of me wearing the udder first, though. Those sad looking horns beside me are a little disturbing.
