I haven’t seen the sun in days, and I think I have the winter blahs. Today I didn’t feel like working at all, so I just spent the day in my new paper bag… Well, maybe not the whole day. I did take the opportunity to pounce on Kitty every time she walked past my bag. I like to keep her on her toes.
As most of my regular readers know, my relationship with my roommate cat, Kitty, is strained at times. I adore the old gal and want to groom her and frolic with her and play-stalk her like a cow-spotted lion. And while Kitty pretends to hate nearly everything about me, I’ve always known deep down inside that she really does love me. I mean, how could anyone NOT love Pedro the Cat???
Over the weekend, we had a big Hawaiian winter storm. That means gusty winds, torrential rains, and thunder that rattles the windows. Normally this kind of weather sends me into my human’s lap, but doesn’t seem to ruffle Kitty’s feathers at all. But not this storm. Not once, but TWICE Kitty was scared (or cold) enough to snuggle. Never in the history of my life with Kitty has she chosen to be close to me, and if I try to sneak up and cuddle with her while she’s asleep, she always smacks me upside the head and runs away.
Sebastian Junger might have different ideas, but this was what I call a Perfect Storm… I just hope Kitty remembers that she really does like me if the yakuza come for her over yesterday’s post.
OK – this is beginning to drive me insane… Maru’s human posted a fabulous photo of Maru sniffing a cow udder. But now that photo has disappeared into cyberspace. Today I went back to Maru’s blog, and there was the cow udder photo and new cow photos. So I posted another ”aside” with the link. I tested the link and it worked like a charm, and hit “publish”. And then I tested the link again, and the page could not be found. Ugghh… So now, I can finally go back to Maru’s blog, but the udder photo is AWOL once again. I’m so confused!
I’m sure you all know by now that I am a huge fan of everything Bovine. I really, really want you all to see the udder photo. I’m beginning to realize that will never happen, so I am now going to commit a blogging sin. I am going to insert one of Maru’s less spectacular cow photos below without his permission. I can’t read kanji, so I have no idea how Maru’s lawyers would feel about me using his photo. But, I’m pretty sure that the yakuza will come and cut off all Kitty’s toes to teach me a lesson. Sorry, Kitty.
It’s Caturday, and I’m slaving away at the computer again. I don’t mind putting in the extra hours, since I was sick and slept through much of the week. I think my vaccinations made me feel yucky. Kitty decided it was just stress from going to the vet, or maybe that I was having a bad reaction to whatever the aliens implanted when they were probing me. Whatever the problem, I was sick as a dog. (No offense, Rumpy.)
The irony of the situation was that my ploy to make my human feel guilty so I would get extra treats worked, but I didn’t get to enjoy any of them! She tried to coax me to eat with ahi sashimi, a bit of salmon, and my favorite broccoli and cheddar pot pie. I didn’t eat any of it. I was just too sick to even feign interest… Oh well, at least I’m feeling better now…
Anyway, last night I wrote a quick post telling my fans that Maru had posted something that everyone needs to see. I’m not sure what happened, but the photo I was talking about has disappeared now. Maybe his site couldn’t handle all of the extra traffic from my peeps… I hope that you will all keep trying, and that Maru’s human will fix the problem. It’s worth some effort to see this photo – Maru, sniffing the udder of a GIANT STUFFED COW! If the photo link above doesn’t work, you can also look for his entry from February 25 on his blog at http://sisinmaru.blog17.fc2.com/.
I don’t have any new photos to share with you today. I’ve hardly groomed for days, so I’m looking too unkempt to allow photos. But I will leave you with one of my favorites from the archives, since it kind of sums up my whole week.
Pedro has been a bit under the weather since Tuesday night, and he isn’t even faking it. He thinks he’s feeling yucky from his shots, but I think it was the stress of riding in my human’s truck. She always has the A/C on too low and the radio on too high… Anyway, Pedro wanted me to let you all know that he’s on the mend and he’ll be back to work soon. He also said I should post this photo so everyone remembers how lovely he is. Blech. He doesn’t pay me enough.
I don’t know how she did it, but my human found me in time for my appointment with the vet. It must have been my intense cute-vibe… Don’t tell her, but it wasn’t that bad. My bar stool acrobatics training has been paying off – I lost almost a pound! No one even mentioned the word “fat”. Do you think that means I won’t need diet food anymore???
The worst part of the experience was definitely the drive. I spent the whole time trying to get my human to take different routes, complaining about the bumps, and yelling about the A/C and my human’s choice of music. I can’t wait until I’m old enough to drive!
All-in-all the vet wasn’t as awful as I thought it would be. But I’m going to pout and act angry as long as I can – might as well get as much mileage out of the trauma as I can. I keep licking my arm where I got the shot. Maybe I’ll be able to guilt my human into giving me sashimi for dinner…
And now I have to go convince Kitty that I wasn’t probed by aliens.
I just found out that my human made an appointment for me to get my annual physical on Tuesday. The vet is going to say that I’m fat, and that my human should reduce my meager diet food ration even further. He’s going to say I need to increase my exercise and reduce my stress. And when he sends me home I’ll be all smelly and upset, and no matter what I say, Kitty will think I’ve been probed by aliens. My plan is to lay low for a few days, and rotate hiding spots hourly so my human can’t find me. I should be able to hold out until Tuesday…
Uh-oh. Kitty just pointed out that I seem to have forgotten the most important criterion of suitable suitors in my Valentine’s Day post. To meet our standards, the man applying for dating status of our human must also have less hair on his back and chest than I do.
For Valentine’s Day I decided to do something special. Today I will be accepting applications from men who would like to date my human. My standards are quite high, and here are the minimum qualifications:
1) Must be human, male, and aged 30-50.
2) Must know how to use basic power tools and spell-check.
3) Must have excellent personal hygiene and all teeth (or suitable replacements).
4) Must be employed or independently wealthy, have a place to live that does not also house his mother, and own a car that runs.
5) Must be willing to mow the lawn and wash the dishes.
6) Must love cats. A lot. But not toomuch.
To apply for dating status, men meeting this criteria should submit a 500 word essay on modern romance. The deadline for essays is March 1, and winners will be notified on April Fool’s Day. If you have any questions regarding the basic requirements above, then please don’t waste my time with an essay.
It’s Caturday, and I’m working again. I’m just a workaholic. It’s amazing that I find any time at all for grooming and cat naps. And hunting geckos. And snacking. I’ve been practicing my barstool acrobatics, but I can’t really approach Cirque … Continue reading →
I have a new hobby, and I’m so excited! A few days ago our human brought home a new bar stool. I didn’t think it was anything special at first – we already had some identical stools. But I quickly realized that this stool was different. Better. This new stool is perfect for feline acrobatics, and I’ve been spending all of my waking hours practicing. It’s really good for the core. Don’t you think I’m looking a little slimmer already? Any minute now I’ll be svelte enough for my human to stop the diet cat food… And if things don’t work out with the dairy cow people, Cirque du Soleil might be an option with a little more practice!
Sorry, folks. Tonight’s post is cancelled due to the frigid temperatures we’re experiencing in Hawaii. My paws are too cold for typing, so I’ll just stay wrapped up in this blanket in my human’s lap until the weather changes.
is that ice in my whiskers???
How cold is too cold for the Hawaiian cat, you ask? Tonight may get below 50°… I know, you’re thinking that I’m just a wuss. But when was the last time you set your thermostat at 50°???
It’s been almost two weeks since I mailed my letter to the milk folks, but I’m not concerned. I’ve stepped-up my Bovinity studies a bit, so I can be prepared for the part when I receive their call. As you can see in this photo, I’m getting really good at portraying the true essence of cow…
Since Caturday was unproductive, I spent Superbowl Sunday working hard. I’m more of a curling kind of cat than a football kind of cat, so I wasn’t heartbroken. Especially since I timed a grooming break to coincide with Madonna’s half time show. I love Madonna…
I’ve finished sprucing up my resumé, but I’m concerned about my professional objectives. Is “fame, fortune, and celebrity” too honest, or should I say something like, “I’d like to end world hunger by eradicating feral chickens”?
My human redeemed herself for sabotaging my working Caturday by giving me this spiffy bow tie. Unfortunately, it seems to emphasize my lack of neck…
Even though it’s Caturday, I decided to spend the day working on my CV (resumé, for my American fans) and putting together a media kit, as I’ve had a sense of impending stardom. Unfortunately, my human has stubbornly tried to … Continue reading →