Today I was alerted to something very alarming. My friend at Here There Be Spiders shared a link to Catsparella’s troubling review of a Vogue Magazine spread with me. Vogue not only used a model cat that is neither very attractive nor interesting, but Catsparella’s review also starts with the words, “What’s black and white and red all over?” I am black and white and red all over. ME. Pedro the Cat is black and white and red all over. This model cat has no red. I have red. And black and white.
I was so troubled by the inferior black and white cat with the weird nose spot and incorrect review that I decided to put on my bow tie for an urgent meeting with my legal team. I would like their advice on whether or not I can trademark the phrase, “What’s black and white and red all over?” Unfortunately, my legal team consists of Kitty and she’s not returning my meows… After Kitty and I go over the feasibility of trademarking “What’s black and white and red all over?”, I’ll be meeting with my marketing team to make sure that my photos are distributed far and wide so magazines don’t have to use such inferior creatures. I hope Kitty can stay awake through two meetings…
I know that all of my loving fans have tons of questions about my Western slideshow extravaganza. So, today I thought I’d take you behind the scenes…
First stop, the wardrobe department. Isn’t my cowcat hat fantastic? I was thrilled when the famous feline haberdasher (and milliner to the Miaolings!) ToScarboroughFair made me my very own custom 10-gallon hat in my favorite shade of red… Unfortunately, since I’d never actually worn a hat, I didn’t realize that a cat is not born with hat wearing skills. So it took a bit of education, rigorous training exercises, and a lot of treats. But now it feels perfectly natural to have my cowcat hat on my adorable noggin.
The cow. I knew that my bovine options would be limited, since I live in a small condo in a fairly remote area with limited shopping. So, I was pleasantly surprised when my human brought home such a good looking cow. But he wasn’t very friendly. And he didn’t have much personality. And he smelled funny. You may have noticed a little tension between us in some of the photos… Needless to say, I told the cow to take a flying leap over the moon. And I’m in the market for a new cow.
And the most important question of all – the one I know you’re all dying to know about… Sequels! I do have a few creative ideas for a sequel or four. I’m going to continue working on my cowcat hat wearing skills, and maybe I’ll try to find someone to make me some custom cat chaps. When the time is right and I’ve obtained the right cow for the job, I’ll be ready to make My First Western Part Two.
A few days ago I was shocked to see a scathing review of the movie Puss In Boots written by Minlit of the blog Confessions of a Cat Woman. I’ve always considered Minlit to be intelligent and tasteful (for a human), but how could a movie about such a cool cat be bad? Could I have misjudged Minlit?? Or could the movie that I’ve eagerly awaited for months really be a flop???
I decided that Income Tax Deadline Eve was the perfect special occasion to settle down with some diet cat kibble to munch on while I finally watched Puss. I was determined to watch with an open mind, and fully prepared to love every minute of the movie. Sadly, I have to say that Minlit was right. There were a few good moments, but for the most part Puss was completely lacking in the “felinity” that made him so lovable in the Shrek movies. They clearly needed a few cat consultants on set… If I had thumbs, they would be down…
If you’d like to see a really entertaining puss in boots, try this instead. It starts out a little slow, but the last 30 seconds is fantastic.
My Caturday was very productive. I gave Kitty a really long bath, helped my human maximize her itemized deductions, and wrote a very impartial review of myself at Review of My Cat… And then I wrote a long letter of complaint to the Postmaster General. I swear they reduced the size of the Medium Flat Rate Box, which made my Caturday nap completely dissatisfying.
Holy cow-spotted cat! I’ve been training SOOOO hard to get ready for my big surprise that I’m completely exhausted. Or maybe I’m coming down with narcolepsy…
My human worked today, so I was able to spend the whole day cat napping. And it was cold and stormy, so I didn’t even have to listen to any pesky neighbor children frolicking and hunting for eggs while I lounged… I did have some trouble deciding whether to snooze on the end table or on the arm of the couch, but came up with the perfect comfy compromise in the end. I love holidays!
Aloha to all of my adoring fans! I know I’ve been neglecting you, but I’m back at work and ready to blog again…
You may remember that I was staging a sit-in in my human’s luggage to protest her leaving Kitty and I alone while she took a short trip. During my suitcase protest, I had one of those huge life-changing epiphanies. It occurred to me that my human must have been picking up on my serious businesscat vibe, and it made her think that I was independent and responsible enough to be left alone. That thought made me reflect on our household dynamics, and I saw that things were slightly askew around here. So I spent the last week getting my life back into balance.
Humans are strange creatures, and they really seem to need to feel needed. And lately I’ve been spending so much time on my manuscript and business endeavors that I’d forgotten to pretend that I’m a helpless furball. I saw immediately what needed to happen. I cuddled and kneaded and purred and head-bumped. I frolicked and played and did silly cat things. I was even nice to Kitty. I did everything I could to reinforce the stereotypical cat/person relationship. And she totally bought it. She won’t be neglecting us again any time soon. And I’m getting lots of treats. I did miss all of my blogging friends and fans, but the treats definitely made up for that.
Now that things are back to “normal” around here, I’m eager to reconnect with my adoring public and get back to work. But I’ll remember to save some time for my human.