I’m so excited!!! After hours and hours of shopping online, I’ve finally found the perfect cow! He’s much, much cuter than Maru’s cow. And I think he’ll be the perfect size for me when he’s fully grown. His mom and dad both are about 3 feet tall. When he’s grown up, he’ll be slightly over the condo association’s 40-lb maximum (like 300 lbs over) but he’s so cute that I’m sure they’ll be willing to overlook his weight… My baby bull is really affordable – only $1500 plus shipping from wherever Pillard’s Miniature Cattle farm is. But I think my human would probably notice if I put that on her debit card, so I’ve come up with the perfect calf financing plan. I’m going to install a PayPal widget so all of my adoring fans can make donations to Pedro’s Cattle Fund Drive. Isn’t that a fabulous idea??? I think I’ll name him Bo, short for Bovine…
Does anyone know where I can buy a decent cow? A cowboy cat like myself needs a really talented heifer. Surely Maru can’t be the only cat in the world with an excellent cow…
I know that all of my loving fans have tons of questions about my Western slideshow extravaganza. So, today I thought I’d take you behind the scenes…
First stop, the wardrobe department. Isn’t my cowcat hat fantastic? I was thrilled when the famous feline haberdasher (and milliner to the Miaolings!) ToScarboroughFair made me my very own custom 10-gallon hat in my favorite shade of red… Unfortunately, since I’d never actually worn a hat, I didn’t realize that a cat is not born with hat wearing skills. So it took a bit of education, rigorous training exercises, and a lot of treats. But now it feels perfectly natural to have my cowcat hat on my adorable noggin.
The cow. I knew that my bovine options would be limited, since I live in a small condo in a fairly remote area with limited shopping. So, I was pleasantly surprised when my human brought home such a good looking cow. But he wasn’t very friendly. And he didn’t have much personality. And he smelled funny. You may have noticed a little tension between us in some of the photos… Needless to say, I told the cow to take a flying leap over the moon. And I’m in the market for a new cow.
And the most important question of all – the one I know you’re all dying to know about… Sequels! I do have a few creative ideas for a sequel or four. I’m going to continue working on my cowcat hat wearing skills, and maybe I’ll try to find someone to make me some custom cat chaps. When the time is right and I’ve obtained the right cow for the job, I’ll be ready to make My First Western Part Two.
OK – this is beginning to drive me insane… Maru’s human posted a fabulous photo of Maru sniffing a cow udder. But now that photo has disappeared into cyberspace. Today I went back to Maru’s blog, and there was the cow udder photo and new cow photos. So I posted another ”aside” with the link. I tested the link and it worked like a charm, and hit “publish”. And then I tested the link again, and the page could not be found. Ugghh… So now, I can finally go back to Maru’s blog, but the udder photo is AWOL once again. I’m so confused!
I’m sure you all know by now that I am a huge fan of everything Bovine. I really, really want you all to see the udder photo. I’m beginning to realize that will never happen, so I am now going to commit a blogging sin. I am going to insert one of Maru’s less spectacular cow photos below without his permission. I can’t read kanji, so I have no idea how Maru’s lawyers would feel about me using his photo. But, I’m pretty sure that the yakuza will come and cut off all Kitty’s toes to teach me a lesson. Sorry, Kitty.
It’s Caturday, and I’m slaving away at the computer again. I don’t mind putting in the extra hours, since I was sick and slept through much of the week. I think my vaccinations made me feel yucky. Kitty decided it was just stress from going to the vet, or maybe that I was having a bad reaction to whatever the aliens implanted when they were probing me. Whatever the problem, I was sick as a dog. (No offense, Rumpy.)
The irony of the situation was that my ploy to make my human feel guilty so I would get extra treats worked, but I didn’t get to enjoy any of them! She tried to coax me to eat with ahi sashimi, a bit of salmon, and my favorite broccoli and cheddar pot pie. I didn’t eat any of it. I was just too sick to even feign interest… Oh well, at least I’m feeling better now…
Anyway, last night I wrote a quick post telling my fans that Maru had posted something that everyone needs to see. I’m not sure what happened, but the photo I was talking about has disappeared now. Maybe his site couldn’t handle all of the extra traffic from my peeps… I hope that you will all keep trying, and that Maru’s human will fix the problem. It’s worth some effort to see this photo – Maru, sniffing the udder of a GIANT STUFFED COW! If the photo link above doesn’t work, you can also look for his entry from February 25 on his blog at http://sisinmaru.blog17.fc2.com/.
I don’t have any new photos to share with you today. I’ve hardly groomed for days, so I’m looking too unkempt to allow photos. But I will leave you with one of my favorites from the archives, since it kind of sums up my whole week.
It’s been almost two weeks since I mailed my letter to the milk folks, but I’m not concerned. I’ve stepped-up my Bovinity studies a bit, so I can be prepared for the part when I receive their call. As you can see in this photo, I’m getting really good at portraying the true essence of cow…
Do you think I should get my ear pierced, too?
I did it! I had some comp cards printed (that’s modelspeak for a card with photos) with my best udder shots, and I’ve written a letter of introduction to the people who do the “Happy Cow” ads. I think I’d make a really good Happy Cow Cat… Any suggestions before I stick this in the mail?
Dear California Milk Advisory Board,
My name is Pedro the Cat, and I have some amazing ideas that build on your “Happy Cow” ad campaign. But first, let me introduce myself. I am a fabulous cow-spotted and career-oriented feline. I am currently owner and editor of the popular blog “Maru Can Kiss My Furry…” and am working on my first manuscript, which is destined for the Best Seller list. I’m also a student of Bovinity, and recently I was honored to be named one of the Top Ten Cows of 2011 by the blog “Every Day I See A Cow.”
I know that the “Happy Cow” ads are popular, but I would like to propose an improvement that would draw a much larger demographic’s interest, in addition to being more economical. I would like to be your next Happy Cow. You can see from the enclosed comp card that I am quite stunning while wearing my prosthetic udder, and I certainly have the look of a Happy Cow. Can you imagine the reaction of cow and cat fans across the nation as they see Pedro the Cat as the California Milk Advisory Board’s official postercowkitty?
In addition to gaining the attention of cat lovers everywhere, working with a feline would also be much more cost effective and would certainly involve less feces than working with common, untrained livestock. Additionally, cats are famous for their love of dairy products (although milk does make me a bit flatulent). Perhaps you could hone in on an important market in California Dairy products as cat treats.
I urge you to contact me at your earliest convenience to discuss this new ad campaign and contractual issues. I am on the verge of fame, so any hesitation on your part might mean that the Got Milk? people have already Got Pedro.
Pedro T. Cat
Future California Milk Advisory Board Spokescat
I just got fantastic news! Remember how Every Day I See a Cow made me their Halloween Cow of the Day? Well, I was selected as one of their Top Ten Cows of 2011. I’m really thrilled to have my talent and beauty recognized by experts. Thank you to all the little cats and cows who helped me become the
cow cat I am today!