Tag Archives: Humor

May 14 2013

pedro’s shark tank experience

I’m a fan of the show Shark Tank.  With a name like that and such a fabulous concept, what businesscat could resist?

I recently saw an old episode that featured a man with a blossoming business that was sheer genius. (I know I have your attention now, because rarely does one see the words “man” and “genius” in the same sentence here at pedrothecat.com.)  The man is Steve Gadlin and his business is I Want To Draw A Cat For You. And for a mere $9.95, Steve will do just that. Naturally, I had to borrow my human’s credit card to take Steve’s website for a little test drive. And here’s the result:

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I think it’s amazing that the true essence of Pedro the Cat is obvious in such a primitive piece of art drawn by a complete stranger. Steve got everything right – the spots, the catstooth tie, and the cattitude. I think it’s absolutely amazing…

P.S. My apologies if I’ve offended Maru, whose furry rear end I’m kicking above. Steve just draws life as he sees it. Brilliant! I wonder if I can order a mural…

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May 8 2013

pedro the cat’s latest award

Most of my adoring fans already know my BFC, the ginger genius of One Spoiled Cat.  Sammy nominated me for a really special award last week, the Best Moment Award.  I am really honored to have been nominated, and Grizzly and I have been working on my acceptance speech all week.  (Really I’ve been working on the speech, and The Grizz has a been working on being my pillow.  It’s fantastic that he has such useful skills.). Unfortunately, I’m not quite ready to post my acceptance just yet.  But I wanted to make sure you all know that the acceptance and my nominations are coming soon, so anyone who would like to have this huge honor bestowed on them should send gifts.  Preferably bonito flakes. stay tuned for that exciting event later this week. And thanks and a big head bump to Sammy!!!

(Isn't my whiskerage impressive in this photo?)

(Isn’t my whiskerage impressive in this photo?)

Apr 29 2013

grizzly possibilities

imageI was fully prepared to hate Grizzly.  I mean, really, what’s not to hate about a balding interloper with absolutely no business acumen? But I have to admit that the weird little guy is starting to grow on me. And I’m starting to think that even though The Grizz is clearly not capable of filling the position of Personal Assistant to Pedro the Cat, he still might be useful…

It’s good to have a cat around for stalking and ambush practice, and Grizzly has proven himself a formidable opponent. And he has mad dust mopping skills. My human’s lack of photographic abilities means he never looks good in photos, which makes me look even better. And think of the cleanliness potential if I can harness the power of his licker… And best of all, not only is Grizzly on a special (and quite tasty) diet, his taste buds are obviously broken because he really, really prefers my awful diet kibble.

I’m not saying that I think my human should actually adopt the Grizzled Guy, but I am saying that I think it’s worth some additional thought.  And in the meantime, while his bum recovers (literally!) I’ll enjoy using him as a sparring partner.image

Apr 20 2013

the unvarnished truth about Grizzly

Dust bunny remoraLast week my loyal fans seemed to think I hadn’t given Grizzly enough time when I wrote my post about him not being a suitable candidate for the position of Personal Assistant to Pedro the Cat. I may have sugar-coated things so as not to hurt Mr. Grizzly’s sensitive feelings. So here it is – the plain, honest truth about the two real reasons why I feel Grizzly will never be able to fill those massive shoes:

1. Our human is a horrible housekeeper.

2. Our dust bunnies are albino.

Now that the cat is out of the bag, I’m sure you all understand my decision.  Soon I’ll be unveiling the creative marketing plan I’ve developed for Grizzly that I think will really showcase his strengths and help him find an adoptive family expeditiously, so my human can get back to concentrating on grooming ME.

Apr 17 2013

pedro the cat’s epiphany

imageTonight I gave Grizzly a little cat bath to straighten up his legs and back a bit. Grizzly didn’t seem afraid that I was really just preparing to eat him, and I remembered how much I enjoyed my role as Household Hygiene Manager. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that I want Grizzly to stay beyond the fostering agreement. In fact, I’m actually thinking of things on a much, much larger scale. Imagine this: Pedro the Cat’s Professional Cat Wash.  You fouls ‘em, Pedro towels ‘em… OK, the slogan might need some work. But isn’t that a FABULOUS idea for my next career move?

Mahalo to http://green-buzz.net/photos/strange-friendships-of-animals/ for letting me use the cow-spotted goat photo without permission. (I’m guessing the photographer didn’t bother to get the permission of said cow-spotted goat, or of the little stripy rodent thing, so I don’t feel bad!)

Apr 14 2013

pedro the cat has puppy dog eyes

pretty please...

I’m practicing my puppy-dog eyes. Think they’ll work?

I’m preparing for the tough conversation where I explain to my human that Grizzly is completely unsuitable as a personal assistant, so if she’s considering adopting him she needs to put that thought out of her mind ASAP.

Here are my major reasons for rejecting Mr. Grizz:

  1. He’s a scaredy cat. During a recent thunderstorm, Grizzly spent the whole day cowering under the bed. I expect to be able to hide my eyes in my personal assistant’s fur so I can pretend I’m in my happy place during fireworks and thunderstorms. How can I do that if my personal assistant is AWOL?
  2. Hygiene is absolutely essential, but Grizzly’s OCD and over-grooming doesn’t extend to his face. And when I try to help him clean up the crumbs on his chin, he acts like I’m going to eat him. And that makes me want to try to eat him, which gets me in trouble.
  3. Grizzly has his own teddy bear. My human gave it to him hoping that he’ll nurse on the bear instead of himself. What kind of high powered executive cat nurses on a teddy bear???
  4. Grizzly makes me look fat. When he’s too close to me, my fur puffs up like crazy, making me look like a 20-pounder. I’ll never get off the yucky diet kibble with him around.
  5. For some unfathomable reason, Grizzly is not suitably awestruck in my presence. He pretends not to know of my celebrity status and general fabulosity.  Yesterday when I sat on him, instead of asking if I was comfortable, he hissed at me.  Hissed!
  6. Grizzly is an excavator. A digger. It’s noisy and messy and just plain weird. Does he really think he might hit something new and exciting in that litterbox if he just keeps digging long enough???

As you can see, I’ve put considerable thought into the feasibility of keeping Grizzly as a permanent personal assistant before coming to the conclusion that he’s just not the right cat for the job. I’m sure that once his bum is fuzzy and our fostering stint is over, he’ll make the perfect pet for a loving furrever family. He does have a nice personality, and he’s not a bad-looking cat. But he really isn’t Businesscat material.

Apr 6 2013

my first meeting with grizzly

Grizz headshotI finally met Grizzly, my new temporary personal assistant. Sort of. He actually slept through the whole encounter. But I did get to see and smell him up close for the first time.  And I have to say that I was a little surprised – aren’t grizzlies brown???

As I’m sure you all know, I’m a little bit obsessive about hygiene.  And I’ve had some trouble with compulsive grooming.  I never, ever thought I would utter these words, but here goes:  Grizzly may have gone overboard on the grooming just a bit.  And maybe if he spent less time grooming himself, we could finally get some work done.

Apr 4 2013

pedro the cat’s new assistant

Well, so far the new Temporary Personal Assistant to Pedro the Cat is a complete flop. Grizzly arrived almost a week ago, and I haven’t even met him yet! And even worse, my human is spending a disturbing amount of time with him, when she could be grooming me. I understand that Grizzly is having a bad fur day (or month, maybe) but the amount of attention he’s getting is a little ridiculous. Really, how bad could it be??? I think the healthiest thing for Grizzly to do would be to immerse himself in working on a new marketing campaign for Pedro the Cat. That would certainly take his mind off of his problems…

Grizzly

Mar 30 2013

my staff arrives

Grizzly

 

The temp has arrived!  I’m so glad that the humane society agreed to let us borrow Grizzly for a while.  And this is a fabulous career move for him.  What cat wouldn’t want to list, “Personal Assistant to Pedro the Cat” on their CV?

Unfortunately, Grizzly didn’t immediately get to work.  It appears that he needs to get settled in first.  I guess that’s understandable…  I can hear him purring through the bedroom door, which must mean he’s excited to meet a celebrity cat such as myself.

Mar 26 2013

pedro’s temp failure

Aloha fans and friends!  I’d like to introduce you to Grizzly:grizz

My human offered Grizzly a temporary position on my staff, but his people haven’t responded to my person.  I’m a little sad about that because Grizzly seems to have all of the attributes I know my assistant must possess: he’s a cat…  And my human seems a little disappointed because she feels that giving this temp position to Grizzly is in his best interest.  See, Grizzly has the feline equivalent of a mullet gone wrong – party in the front, business in the back.  The poor guy is recovering from a serious flea allergy, and he’s got some bare patches… If Grizzly’s people aren’t interested in the fostering/temp thing while Grizzly’s bum gets furry, maybe someone with thumbs should knit the poor guy some pants.

Anyway, I guess the hunt for my new personal assistant must go on.  So, I was thinking that I would put together an application to assist my human in the selection process.  I haven’t completed the whole form yet, but I have come up with some essential questions.  For those of you that aren’t feline, the correct answers are shown in green.

When spending a day at the beach, would you be more likely to be:
A) Building sandcastles.
B) Knocking over other cats’ sandcastles.
C) Cat napping.

How do you feel about feline cuisine?
A) I’m VERY food oriented. In fact, I need a snack right now.
B) Meh.

What is your favorite sleeping position?
A) At the foot of the bed.
B) In the bath tub.
C) On the pillow.

If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
A) Don’t be an idiot – I’m a cat, not a tree.
B) Maple.
C) A pussy willow.

Mar 20 2013

pedro the mopey cat

imageMy human has apparently gotten sick of me moping. Yesterday she went to the local humane society to interview potential prospect cats that are interested in becoming my new personal assistant. It’s a difficult job – lots of grooming, fawning, worshipping, and adoring. Thankfully, my human understands the importance of finding just the right cat for the job… But unfortunately, none of the felines at the humane society were suitable. My human did make an interesting choice, though. She’s trying to hire a temp. (She calls it “fostering”. Whatever.) I’ll keep you posted on whether or not Grizzly accepts the job of Temporary Assistant to Pedro the Cat.

Mar 10 2013

pedro moves on to plan b…

image

Well, my strategy to physically restrain my human to avoid any further changes was failing. She kept sneaking out when I got distracted. So I’ve moved on to Plan B… I’ll just stow away in her purse. That way I can be with her always to use my feline mind control to keep her from making poor choices. I think this plan is a winner – she’ll never suspect a thing!

Mar 5 2013

pedro has a new strategy

image
A lot has changed in my household over the past few months. I have to admit that like a lot of felines, I don’t always enjoy big changes. And sometimes I don’t really enjoy little changes, either. Since my human seems to be oblivious of this, I’ve decided to try a new strategy. I think that the best course of action is for me to physically restrain her. I’ve climbed into her lap to hold her down, and I’m not going to move. Except for the occasional snack, of course. If she can’t leave the house, she can’t change anything, right?

Feb 26 2013

pedro gets results

My recent hunger strike protesting my human’s lengthy vacation (6 nights!!!) was incredibly difficult. After almost 24 hours without nourishment I was weak with hunger and beginning to hallucinate that my attendants were giant ahi tunas, and I really wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out. But just as I was about to give in and have a little snack, my human arrived to take me home. Whew. It was the most difficult protest I’ve ever staged, and I’m so glad it finally paid off. Now you’ll have to excuse me – after brunch I need to find some pillows to pee on and shoes for hairball expectoration…

Whew.

Whew.

P.S. Utah. She was in Utah. Who in their right mind vacations in Utah in February???

Feb 25 2013

pedro takes control

I see now that if I ever want to go home, I’m going to have to take matters into my own paws. I’ve begun a hunger strike. That’s bound to get my human’s attention…

Don’t get me wrong, this resort is lovely. The staff is sufficiently awestruck by my celebrity and they’ve catered to my every need. But I’m a busy businesscat and I’m ready to get back to work. I’m also ready for some good tummy rubs, a cat nap on the dining room table, and to poop in my own litterbox.

So wish me luck – I’m 17 minutes into my starvation diet, and I can tell this is going to take all of the strength I can muster. I think my ribs might be beginning to show…

Feb 24 2013

a tribute to one spoiled cat

Most of my fans have already met my good friend, Sammy from One Spoiled Cat. Since Sammy’s home alone this weekend (or as close to alone as he can get – he’s home alone with Dad) I thought I’d post a little something for him.

Every Tuesday Sammy and his mom post a “Teaser”.  It’s a photo of a fabulous place Sammy’s family has visited (without Sammy, I might add!), and they have a little contest to see who can guess where the photo was taken…  So today, I’m having a little “Teaser” of my own…

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So here I am, being groomed and pampered in my luxury feline resort, while my human is being completely irresponsible and vacationing in the above location. Frankly, I’m getting a little bored with my holiday and I’m ready to get back to work… Can anyone PLEASE tell me where this photo was taken, so I can go get my human and drag her back to reality? I have things to do, people to groom, and furniture to scratch.

Feb 19 2013

pedro on holiday

I’m so excited!  I’ve just checked into a fabulous luxury resort, where my suite has a fantastic view of a bird feeder. I’ll be pampered with daily brushing and room service gourmet diet cat kibble. And I’m hoping there are some hot girl cats to groom. (I may be neutered, but I’m not dead!) I don’t know why my human scheduled this little retreat, but I’m going to love it.

I can’t wait to meet this pug from the resort’s website… Any place that would do this to a dog HAS to be a feline paradise!

I have to go now – I need to schedule a visit from the kitty masseuse…

photo of fashionally challenged pug courtesy of Whiskers Resort completely without their knowledge, but if I see the pug I’ll ask if it’s ok